


Going Through Your Things

by KaniTheCrab



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Curtis is a supportive friend but if you want this to be how their relationship starts go for it, Keith (Voltron) is a Good Friend, M/M, Major Character death is mentioned, Sad Shiro (Voltron), Shiro is coping fellas, earth dad adam, he was the mfes dad like shiro was the paladin's dad, it doesn’t actually happen in the fic it happened before it, last three tags were added June 23 2020 cause Im a fool and forgot them the first time around, mentor adam, sort of a sad, you cannot change my mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 06:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19969750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaniTheCrab/pseuds/KaniTheCrab
Summary: Keith. Earth. Adam.The three things he never thought he’d never see again.Returning home meant a lot of things to Takashi Shirogane. The second time, one big question was still looming. Now he must come to terms with an answer he wasn’t expecting.





	Going Through Your Things

**Author's Note:**

> Is this late and probably choppy? Yeah probably. But I had a lot of fun writing it anyways and I hope you still enjoy it, Rayne Cloud! Sorry the request took so long!
> 
> Song: The Good Side - Troye Sivan

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈✭ 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

_”Everything I know, I know because of love.”_

_-Leo Tolstoy_

.・。.・゜✫・.・✭・゜・。.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈✭

Keith. Earth. Adam.

The three things he never thought he’d never see again. Yet... A few years ago, Keith had found him after he’d been home. And here he was, coming back to Earth with Keith. He wasn’t worried about that much, though.

He was worried about whatever reunion there may be. Shiro couldn’t say that there was romantic love towards Adam still in his heart, but he still cared for the man. How could he not? They’d been close friends even before they’d gotten together. Words couldn’t really express how much he cared for his former fiancé. Nor could they express how much it hurt all those years ago.

The break up was a mutual decision. It wasn’t easy though. Straight from sharing a bed, an apartment... a whole life, to practically strangers. He hated it, but it was needed. For his sake and Adam’s. With the health issues he’d had and the missions he went on... It was far too much strain on Adam to worry, especially when he couldn’t go on the missions as well to watch him. And the fights were too much on both of them.

Good intentions pave the way to hell, so they decided to end one hell. Shiro couldn’t speak for Adam, but for himself it put him into another hell. Seeing him around hurt badly. Knowing that there was still something there but that it was practically the third rail of the subway felt like it was killing him faster than the disease was.

He sighed as he watched out the windows of the stolen fighter. It was moments like these he was thankful for Keith taking charge. Allowed him some time to think. They were so close now. Part of him was excited to see Adam again. Another part of him was terrified.

Maybe he should have sent that recording. As far as he knew, Sam had never gotten it. Hunk may have found it though, so who really knows if Adam got it. But...That wouldn’t have been fair to him, would it? Bringing up old memories when as far as Adam probably knew, Shiro was dead and in the past— literally.

Shiro shook his head to clear it, preparing himself to land. Whatever would happen would happen. He’d just have to persevere as he’d been doing.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈✫

He wasn’t there when they landed. That should have been a sign. All of the officers were. Even Adam would have been— He was about to be promoted to Capitan before he’d left. He was going to train to pilot on his own too, so it wouldn’t be an empty title or one riding partially on his and Shiro’s work together.

But he thought nothing of it. He must be busy. Of course, with classes and refugees and all that is going on. It wasn’t until half the day had passed before he’d gotten impatient and approached Iverson. His heart stopped when Iverson spoke, quietly and hesitantly. The look on his face was enough to know.

“Follow me, Son. We haven’t got long before the next meeting but... We’ve got enough time.”

Son. Iverson never called anyone that in good situations. He could only remember a few times it had happened. Loud and stern for Keith getting in trouble for his behavior or academics or Matt getting in trouble and dragging Shiro into the mess for one of his pranks.

Quiet and comforting for Adam, when his mother had passed.

A pit in his stomach opened as he followed the older man. Already he felt numb, like his limbs weren’t his own. Like he was on auto pilot. He couldn’t do more than brush his hand over the plaque. He couldn’t cry, couldn’t react because it couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be. And even if he could react, there was business to go about. He needed to keep himself together. The only grief he could allow himself then was an apology.

“Adam... I am so sorry.” The words felt bitter. Wrong. Too vague. Those words rang in his ears as they’d left. They continued to long after, joined by others eventually.

_I won’t be waiting for you when you get back._

_Adam, I am so sorry._

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈✫

It was days before he could bring himself to face it. Once plans were in place for a time and meetings became less frequent, he didn’t have much else to do except train and think.

He wasn’t able to sleep, like nights before. Tonight, he found himself in Adam’s apartment. It wasn’t far from his own. He didn’t bother to shut the door as he went in. The spare key was where it always had been, stuck under the door frame. A sad smile came to his face as he looked around. Iverson said it’d been left to him when he’d come back, if he did. Eventually, he’d have to clear things out or let them be recycled.

But tonight, he could just relive for a moment.

Coming home late from training, Adam would be asleep in his clothes on the bed or at his desk hardly awake grading papers or asleep on top of an essay. Everything was just as it had been.

Even their photo hadn’t been taken down. Shiro picked it up, his smile growing weary. The day they passed their partner flight test. Good lord, those suits looked tacky for the time.

“He was a good man,” A voice broke the silence of the room, a warm and soft tone to it.

“You knew him?” Shiro asked quietly, looking towards the door as he sat the frame back neatly in place.

“Yes. Can’t say we were super best friends but... We were neighbors, friends. I spoke at a few of his upper level lectures, sat in on others. We’d eat in here or the mess hall together and chat.” The man walked inside as he spoke, holding a hand out to Shiro. “I’m Curtis, by the way... I hope I didn’t interrupt you.”

Shiro hesitated before taking his hand and shaking it. “Shiro. And no, you didn’t Im just.. trying to wrap my head around things still.”

“I can understand that.. You two were engaged, weren’t you?”

He nodded at that, sighing quietly. “We were... But we were still close friends before that. He’d always been here.. It feels.. wrong that he isn’t now.”

Curtis nodded to that, looking around the dimly lit apartment. “Maybe revisiting in the day would be better, Shiro... might feel a little less wrong— or at least not as hopeless. But if you want to talk about him... You’re welcome to come over to my apartment? If not now, anytime really... I try to make myself accessible.”

Shiro nodded some, silent for a moment. “I’d like the company, thank you. Just... give me a little longer here, if it isn’t any issue for you.”

“Of course, and it isn’t. Don’t worry.” He nodded again, patting shiro’s shoulder with a slight smile before moving towards the door.

Shiro waited until he was gone before going into the bedroom. Just... one look before he went. Again, things were the same. Messier, maybe, but still oh so familiar. Even the light coming in from the moon. He could almost see Adam sprawled over the bed, the light going across his face and glaring off his glasses. Or it hitting his back after the lamp on his desk turned itself off, the ungraded papers so close to falling off the table if he’d been moving too much.

Maybe Curtis was right. Being here alone at night, maybe it was too much to start with.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈✫

Shiro found himself frequently visiting Curtis when he couldn’t sleep— or just in general. They’d train together, eat together occasionally. It felt good to know someone his age was around. Curtis didn’t erase the pain of Adam’s absence, but it did ease things. It was a big help having the other man just in the room as he began to sort through Adam’s appartement, trying to do right by the paper Adam had left. Donate what could be donated, recycle what could be. If anyone felt they needed something of his, let them have it.

Along with that paper, there were six letters. Four to the MFE pilots, one to Keith.. and one to him. Shiro hadn’t read his, but he gave the others theirs. He let them come and take a keepsake from Adam’s apartment before he’d started.

This was the first time outside of a meeting he’d really seen the four of them. He’d wished it could have been on a happier note, but life didn’t seem to want that. The first day of sorting had been spent planning how they would go about things and attempting comfort for the others.

Nadia was happy to accept comfort, wrapping herself in a blanket she chose and spending a while talking about how he tutored her and helped her with all of his classes and even some of her others.

Ryan was less receptive, willing to let Nadia speak more than he did and brushing off any reassuring touches. He chose an almost ancient map of Adam’s. He spoke only briefly about why, stating that Adam let him use it once to help him with a project for one of his classes— some sort of film he’d made, somehow convincing Adam to speak in it.

They’d come in the morning. Shiro and Curtis were able to get through the kitchen before the others came. Keith at lunch, offering help and any sort of support they needed before he had to take his leave. He’d helped them finish, only taking the old couch throw Adam had insisted on bringing with him from his mother’s home. The one he’d wrap Keith up in when he came over late and upset while Shiro was away.

“He really used to do that?” Shiro asked after Keith had explained. His confused look at the choice must have been loud and clear.

“Yeah. It didn’t happen as much as it sounds like, but I did end up coming here a few times. Sometimes I didn’t realize you weren’t here, other times I just needed to get away from my roommate at the time. Or help with classwork I actually was putting effort in to.” Keith gave a faint smile, one of his rare few, and sighed. “His letter.. Was really touching. Never thought he cared for me much while I was here but... I was wrong. Have you read yours yet?”

“No.. Not yet. I will soon.”

“Alright, but don’t say you will unless you mean it. Its okay if you don’t, or if you wait to do it. I really.. really think you should though.”

“He asked you to make sure I read mine, didn’t he?”

That brought out a laugh— short, but definitely there— from Keith. “He did, but Im sure he knew I’d have told him I couldn’t force you too. But I also think that you should read it. When you’re ready.”

“I’ll try to, I can promise that much.” Shiro spoke after a moment, a weak smile on his face. Of course Adam asked Keith to do that. He must have known it wouldn’t be something he’d be gung-ho to do.

Not long after Keith had been pulled away by work, Ina and James had come by. James was.. almost reluctant to be there, it seemed. He didn’t take anything more than a photo of them all nor did he choose carefully like the others. He didn’t say why, nor did he speak much at all. Just basic, formal answers to anything he was asked.

Ina chose a jacket of his, not speaking much on it. Really, it wasn’t until James got called away by the other two that she spoke much at all.

“I feel I should explain James some— and why I’m going to need that very old telescope Adam had, as well as his dogtags if you’re willing to part with a set of them.” She said as soon as the door closed, surprising both of the older men.

“Ina,” Curtis started, “Is he still not dealing with this?”

“I’m afraid he isn’t— yet anyways.” She shrugged, looking to Shiro. “Adam was.. Sort of like how you were with Keith, if I am remembering correctly. After Keith vanished, James wasn’t really himself. They didn’t like one another as much as most roommates did, but aside from myself, Keith was the only sort of friend James had. Adam noticed James studying alone or eating alone often... and he started spending time with him, more than he had before you and Keith left.”

Shiro listened quietly, nodding some. “I knew Adam was kind of mentoring a student offhandedly but I never knew it was James.”

Ina nodded, sitting herself down. “He mentored all of us, really. Especially once our program was fully introduced. But James was always the closest to him. The only completely healthy relationship he had with a male role model.” She smiled fondly now, shaking her head. “As soon as we started the more elite programs and were paired together, he was there. I can remember many nights spent here with the others and him studying for exams or trying to relax before them. He was always there when he could be— he made time if possible to.”

Shiro nodded, a slight frown on his face. He did all of that while going through the break up, after news of his supposed death had come out, and after Keith ran away.

“He was wonderful when things started, too. Comforted us when we thought we had lost Veronica on a mission, and when James and I found out our hometown was.. destroyed. No recorded survivors.”

“Ina—“

She waved her hand and shook her head. “No, no I’m fine. My mother had gone back to her home country and from what I know she is alright. My father and I.. weren’t very close. I’ve grieved and come to terms with it.”

“And James?”

“Hasn’t fully, even still. He was very close with his family. While we were younger, his parents divorce and his father’s leaving hit him terribly hard but he came to terms with it long ago. His mother and brother though...” She shook her head with a sigh. “We just recently got the no survivors report, but he had a feeling at the start. He locked himself here for two weeks maybe, only coming out for missions he absolutely needed to be on.”

“I see... Well you’re welcome to whatever you want to take— be it for him or yourself. And feel free to make a copy of a set of dogtags, I doubt it’ll be an issue if they’re just for you guys. And if it is, I’ll see what I can do to resolve it.”

Ina nodded, moving to go get both of the items she requested. “Thank you,” Ina said when she came back to the living area, “I really appreciate this. Adam would use the telescope to stargaze with us when it was safe too, so its a bit of a memento for all of us. But as for James... His behavior is as distant as it can be so he doesn’t have to face this publicly quite yet, even still. His sister was in Adam’s squadron as well. That with the confirmation of no survivors in the area has shut him down I’m afraid. But he is a good man, honestly. I hope this can be a case where first impressions can be ignored for a while.”

“I understand, Ina. No apologies needed at all. Thank you for telling me what’s going on though. If I can help, tell me.”

“I will. Thank you again, Shiro.” She nodded to each of them before gathering the items and leaving.

Shiro was learning about Adam all over again, a different Adam from what he’d known. Or maybe just from a different view. Even as Curtis talked about him, bringing what the kids said more in to what he’d known.

The first morning he heard stories about Adam cooking when he couldn’t sleep or when the kids were over, waking Curtis up at all hours of the night to borrow ingredients. And how Adam would always buy however much he’d used and give it back, as well as a portion of whatever dish he’d made.

The first afternoon he heard stories of Adam singing in the shower, or loud curses the few times he’d slipped on the floor or tripped over the rug. “I remember once,” Curtis spoke between laughs as they boxed up the bathroom supplies. “My hot water wasn’t working so I came over here to shower and when I was done and out of the bathroom he practically attacked the place to put it back in order.”

“A place for everything and everything should always go back to its place he always told me.” Shiro snorted, pulling things from the cabinet below the sink.

The second and third days were stories of meals they’d shared on occasion, or lessons they planned together and projects graded. Nights spent in the dining and living areas, trying to work together. Shiro enjoyed those stories. They were closest to the Adam he remembered. Expressive while grading, messy lesson plans turned into flawless lectures and assignments. Reserved but open at dinners, making light jokes and just enjoying whatever company he had if he could.

The fourth and fifth days were the slowest and the quietist. Already slowed by both of them reminiscing in the other rooms, the bedroom was sad. The first day working in here Shiro had let him help. The second he couldn’t bear to have someone else be there. He needed to do part of it alone.

And now, here he was. The clothes that were his were boxed and marked. The others that Shiro wasn’t going to take were marked “Donate” in big letters. It was almost exactly like it was when they’d come to move in. Boxes on the floor, sunset out the uncovered window with nothing more than an old mattress on the bed. Exactly the same aside from one box being filled.

Shiro could picture Adam coming through the door with a big grin on his face, glasses askew. “Takashi,” he would say, “I’ve got the perfect idea for how we should decorate the living room. And I already have breakfast planned.” Shiro would make some dumb comment about Adam planning his home life like he did his projects before Adam would come and sit by him, smacking him for the comment before making Shiro a human pillow. Then they’d talk until they couldn’t stay awake anymore. Unpack the next day, set everything up like Adam had planed out.

And then they’d start filling their memory box.

Only everything wouldn’t be set up that way. It was all tucked away and ready to be sent off. And homemade breakfast wouldn’t be there the next morning. It would be from a box or the mess hall. And they wouldn’t talk late into the night— not ever again. It would be silent in this room tonight.

And their memory box was filled.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈✫

It felt like hours before Shiro opened the box. All he knew that while it had been bright and sunny out earlier that day, the sun had started to set now and the whole room was orange and red. Adam’s favorites.

He swallowed hard and pulled the lid off, his eyes avoiding it like the plague. Step one. The easiest part. Now to actually look in the box. He would have to face it eventually. Maybe sooner was better than later. Get the grieving done now. All of the painful things started so they can fade together.

Still, it took every part of him to force himself to pull something from that box. And the first thing was his and Adam’s cadet identification. He could remember the day they put those in. Still in their cadet residence, Shiro tossed his to the side. Adam grabbed it and insisted they went in a special place. A few weeks later, the memory box was their home.

Pressed flowers native to where Adam was from, one from each time he visited with the dates labeled. There were many from the year his mother passed, and the year he himself disappeared. The last flower was from around a year after Sam must have returned to Earth. When things had gotten unsafe enough to limit personal travel. “A different flower each time... You still tried to hold to it— even laminated these things some how... Maybe they can go in a box some time, huh?” Shiro mused, just letting his thoughts come aloud. Adam may not be here but wherever he was, maybe he could hear him.

The box wasn’t as full as they planned for it to be, but Adam certainly filled it after Shiro left. A copy of their pictures from cadet years, pictures from dates. Some he didn’t know existed were in there; each having its own date and own description. Leave it to Adam to make sure he had context for all of these.

“Keith and Shiro, falling asleep on the couch again.” He chuckled, flipping the paper over to see the picture. A young, scruffy looking Keith was curled into a much younger Shiro’s side. Young Shiro was sprawled across the cushions, practically sealing Keith in his blanket. “You always liked him, huh you big faker? Playing aloof while you had a soft spot for him..” He shook his head, setting a few others like that aside.

“Graduation... The picture you took of me was definitely a lot better than the one I got of you... I’ll try and do better if I get ones of your former students...” He shook his head, setting those aside. He went through more and more, finding everything from old date pictures to pictures from school hours to awful ones of the era when they met. Adam kept a lot more than he’d thought, but he was happy he did. With all that happened since Kerberos.. It was nice to have solid memories of happy times. Even if they weren’t his own.

“Took a lot of those MFE Pilots and you together, huh? Must have really cared about them.. I always told you that you’d make a hell of a mentor.” Shiro smiled, setting those in another pile. “Look at all of these... Simulation exits, days out on the campus greens... Group nights here.” He sighed, starting to put the pictures all in a neat-ish pile. “I hope you know how much you impacted them...” Shiro paused, picking up a slip of paper that had fallen from between the stacks. “The launch... You dork, printing out a picture from the papers... if you’d wanted to come, we all would have happily had you there...” Shiro shook his head and set it on top, moving to grab the next thing in the box.

Adams Diary. Oh the things he could only imagine Adam had written. It felt wrong to sit and read the entries like a book, but he couldn’t help to read some from dates he remembered.

_’February 29, 2XXX_

_Takashi and I spent almost the whole day together. His first birthday with me as a boyfriend— I hope I did everything right. I tried to do the little gift thing and make him something, but I’m not sure how well they went. We also managed to get clearance to go into Platt for a couple of hours— he dragged me to all of his favorite places. A lot of them weren’t really my taste but seeing how happy he was made the boredom of that bike shop worth it. I still don’t understand how he can ride those death traps willing._

_Regardless, I should try and get to sleep before his snoring prevents me from actually falling asleep. Happy birthday Takashi— you might be asleep but it should be said again. I’m glad I have him.’_

_’July 14, 2XXX_

_Happy birthday to me! A dorky way to say things but this is my personal diary so I can be as dorky as I want. Takashi and I didn’t do much for my birthday aside from curl up and watch movies. He insisted on taking me out for some sort of a lunch though— I have no idea how he got the passes from Iverson with it being the peak of training season but he did it. That cafe was amazing— still nothing compared to Mamas cooking but its a close third after Aunt Colleen’s._

_Ive been thinking about asking Takashi about coming with me to visit home when fall break comes around. I’ve got to okay it with mama though. She’s been so sick, I don’t want to put a lot of stress on her by having two 17 year olds around all the time._

_Anyways, Takashi is coming back with more popcorn so it’s probably time to sign off!’_

Shiro smiled fondly to himself, shaking his head. He remembered those days clearly— Adams most clearly. He’d insisted on nothing big. And he enjoyed that so much, they made a tradition of it because of that night. Movie nights spent curled up together huddled around a tablet.

_’November 28, 2XXX_

_Iverson told me mama passed away early this morning. I’m excused from classes for today and the last few days of the week. Even trying to talk to Takashi about it hurts. I’m going to sleep, maybe that will help me clear my head._

_Mama, wherever you are I hope you’re happy and safe. I love you.’_

Shiro could remember that day. a year and a few months after the first visit he and Adam made. The Holiday break they had was spent at her funeral and going through all the paperwork and things in her home. The entry from the day he found out was scribbled down in absolutely terrible handwriting. Adam wasn’t the same for months after that; he may not have ever recovered fully.

_’June 3, 2XXX,_

_We finally did it. No more required classes, strict curfew, no small dorms! Graduated and assigned our apartment. I can’t wait to start on lessons to teach. Just a year of those classes and I’ll be able to teach lower leveled cadets! Finally a hardcore focus on what I’d like to do. And while I teach then I can learn to teach upper levels too! This is going to be amazing, I just know it._

_Takashi is going to be the best piolet out there and I’m going to be a hell of a teacher. We’ll be capitans before we know it._

_(We did it mama!)’_

“Leave it to you to be so excited about getting back into a classroom.” He laughed, shaking his head with a snort. “It may have taken a year but you seemed to be doing better all around by then.. It was nice to see you smile...”

_’January 1, 2XXX,_

_I finally did it today! After having that damn ring in my pocket, I finally managed to propose. I thought I’d be the blubbering mess but turns out Takashi was! That big dork didn’t realize what was going on until I’d grabbed his hand and asked the question. He was mess!_

_Okay, maybe not a mess but he wasn’t exactly the pinochle of put together either._

_I can’t wait to start planning this with him.’_

_’September 10, 2XXX_

_They left for the mission today. I haven’t been able to talk about it or write about it very cohesively. It still doesn’t feel real. Takashi being gone. Us no longer being engaged. I feel so alone sometimes. But I’ll just have to keep going. Maybe once he’s done on all of those missions we can try and work something out. Until then, I just hope he stays safe.’_

_’January 20, 2XXX_

_They said the mission failed because of pilot error. I don’t know if I believe that, but I haven’t got the clearance yet to openly ask many more questions. Whatever happened, I hope he’s okay or that it happened quickly. I’m going to have to go through his things soon— he seems to have kept his will the same. I may not have many romantic feelings for him left but I still cared for him. Its going to be hard doing that. I had hoped Keith would help but I don’t think he will. He came here when it was announced. He was gone before I woke up. Next I heard from him he yelled at me for being unfair to Takashi. And then he got himself kicked out._

_I may have been too harsh initially, but we were being unfair to one another and ourselves. Takashi always expected me to wait for him here, and I made myself do it. I always expected him to stay after a mission and he tried but he couldn’t force himself to stay here. And with his disease always worrying me and us missing one another so much.. That was best for us at the time._

_I hope Takashi saw things that way as well. I hope I didnt hurt him.’_

Shiro shook his head and put the book down now, taking a deep breath. It had hurt at first. It hurt more than anything ever had, but he also realized that it was for the best at the time. Until Shiro was fully done with missions and until he and Adam could see eye to eye, it wasn’t going to work like they wanted it to. “I just wish I could have said goodbye... Didn’t even get to when I moved my things out. At least I got to leave a note but... that wasn’t the most proper goodbye.” He paused, glancing to the envelope he’d been left. It looks like the gesture was returned, so many years later.

The last thing in the box that had any sort of meaning were the rings. Engament rings that matched each other. Only adams was in a gold sort of color and Shiros had been silver. The wedding rings were going to be the same way, if not reversed. They never decided.

He remembered Adam joking after he proposed that it didn’t excuse shiro from getting him “something pretty” at some point. Well.. shiro did his best to deliver. He’d never seen adam smile the way he did when he’d gotten the ring.

“I figured you would have sold these, yaknow..” He mused, setting them back in the box with a smile. “I kept going during those fights for you, you know... For a while anyways... Some days it was for you, some days it was for keith... some it was just pure instinct. Towards the end it was purely self preservation... but in the beginning, I had some hope i’d be able to come back and make things right. See you two again and have the life we always talked about.”

“Happy endings aren’t really meant for us though, it looks like. Aren’t meant for a lot of things anymore,” shiro spoke as he shut the box, collecting the things he would be keeping. Tomorrow he would be back with Curtis to get the donation boxes and take them to a distribution center. “But.. Our bad ending is leading to better endings for others. It led to a happier one for you with the MFEs, and me with the paladins... And who knows what else will happen for me.” Shiro was out the door now, looking around the empty apartment. “This world won’t be the same without you... Your sacrifice is helping build a better universe... But you deserved to be here to see it, if anyone asked me.”

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈✫

_’Takashi,_

_I’ve found myself rewriting this letter many times. I first wrote it to try and cope with losing you all those years ago. Your “death” hit me hard. We may not have been a couple, but I still cared for you as a human and as someone I shared so much of my life with. I’d still craved a friendship with you and still do to this day. You’d been there through so many big events in my life, it felt a shame to just throw away your companionship in any and all regards. That first draft was honestly a dump of emotions and nothing that should be read by anyone. It was so incoherent and improper that it would have killed our first year english teacher in a heartbeat. It wasn’t only your loss that I had felt, but the loss of Keith too. Im sure by now you know he’d been expelled from classes and all. I’d felt very alone then, putting things simply. The counselor on campus at the time recommended I write letters to get things out of my system. I took the advice and never really stopped._

_I properly rewrote this again when you’d crashed here and disappeared. Another... abhorrent, for lack of a better word, attempt at communication but better than nothing._

_Third rewrite was the charm of knowing you’d be coming back. I was terrified to know of all Sam told us. To know we weren’t alone, but that there were many species out there. And to also know one of those was very intent to kill us? It was a lot to take in._

_It was only when I’d started flying missions properly again that these got a different feel for them. I finally understood the thrill you got from missions, and I finally understood the terror that you’d tried to describe. It’s addictive, honestly. I wish I could have experienced it in different circumstances._

_I hate to say this, but I have a feeling this will be the last proper message I write. The drills have been getting more difficult. Whispers of potential strikes and real battles are going around. They’re close. Anyone can see it from looking at higher ups’ faces. I hope to have the chance to write more of these letters, but I also am facing the reality of the situation. I could die out there._

_If you’re reading this, Takashi, that’s very likely what happened._

_I know it is odd, but I’ve left all of my things to you. I trust you’ll donate my extra things to those in need and see that James, Ina, Nadia, and Ryan have whatever they need. They’re extraordinary people, Takashi. I hope you have an opportunity to get to know them as I have._

_Before I close and attempt to write the last of these, I wanted to thank you. For being there with me through much of my life, for showing me love in indescribable ways. For caring for me, pushing me to do better and to be better for myself. Without you, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I quite like this me, I must say._

_I hope you find peace in your future, and happiness with it. From what I have heard, you definitely need some rest. I wish you the best in whatever path life takes you down._

_And if you are reading this because I’ve passed, I ask you two things. First to look after yourself and your team, be as safe as you can be. And second to take your time joining me wherever we go after death. I’m eager to try and reconnect and have a friendship, but I can wait. Live your life well, Takashi._

_Best regards,_

_Adam’_

Shiro had found himself on the rooftop he used to come to at night in his cadet days. He’d also found himself with that letter he’d tried so hard to ignore. He couldn’t ignore it forever. After fighting for sleep for so long and the fresh air not soothing him, he may as well get it over with.

A part of him feels like a weight is lifted off his shoulders. Another part wishes he hadn’t read it. It felt to closed— to final.

But that’s what this was. It was final. Adam was gone, one with those stars he’d always talked about in such detail. It always surprised him that Adam never wanted to leave Earth when they were young. But he understood now. The safety of home, watching things you love from a distance, simple admiration without damaging or being damaged.

“Fell in love with you on a night like this... Sneaking out here to talk and stargaze. We didn’t understand each other much then— why I wanted to leave and you wanted to stay... our driving forces... But now we do. Just a bit too late.” Shiro moved to the edge of the building, leaning against the wall around the perimeter. They couldn’t avoid kids coming up here, so they made it safe way back when he was a cadet.

That felt like a life time ago. Flight simulators, tests, curfews. Even meeting the Holts, Adam, and the Kerberos mission felt like someone different had gone through them. Someone else had— not just physically speaking. Shiro was a different person, and he would be even if he hadn’t been transferred into a clone’s body.

“I guess its fitting to start letting go of us on a night like that one... You’re gone, and the Takashi you knew is too. But I hope you’ll get to know this one some time too. But not for a while... Cant let your last wish to me go unattempted at least, huh?” He managed a smile, looking upwards. “Whenever you are, get some rest... You won’t be seeing me for a while so you have plenty of time to gather all the stories you wanna tell too.” The smile became less forced as he took a deep breath and shut his eyes. Letting go would be a process, coming in waves most likely. But he found some amount of strength and comfort knowing he had his crew and teammates there. And he had Adam’s blessings as well. No ill feelings between them.

“I’m going to head inside for the night.” Shiro spoke after what could have been a few minutes or an hour, moving to the door. “Thank you.. for everything you did. Goodnight, Adam.”

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈✭

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember that I write and post originally on Amino, which is a mobile app thus in attempt to keep the original flow the formatting may be odd on desktop computers. Thank you for reading, and as always if you would like to read as soon as a work is posted, follow me on amino and/or subscribe here!
> 
> Thank you again for your support, feedback is very welcomed and I respond to all comments that I can. I hope you enjoyed!


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